


Move

by Fandomsonthemoon



Category: Shatter Me Series - Tahereh Mafi
Genre: Bugs, Catatonic, Disorganized Speech, Hallucinations, I took her hallucinations as a chance to get into the symptoms of schizophrenia, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Other, Schizophrenia, after restore me, disorganized thinking, juliette has gone off the deep end guys, psychotic episode, so is adam, some spoilers?, warner is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 05:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14888897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomsonthemoon/pseuds/Fandomsonthemoon
Summary: Three hours after the end of Restore MeJuliette is having a hard time coping with recent events. She slips into a psychotic episode. Used the symptoms of schizophrenia to have it be accurate, so don't come at me.trigger warning for hallucinations, bugs, being controlled, executive dysfunction, and being watched. If you would like me to add more please comment and let me know.





	Move

       

       I look out the window, not sure if what I'm seeing is real or not. The mountains, the trees...I want this to be real, not my hallucination. I know that it can’t be true, but I let myself believe this time. I just sit there, staring staring staring….How long have I been sitting here? The sun was high and shining when I sat down, but now its pouring. When did that start? 

       Get up

       Get up

 

       My muscles have turned to stone

       They start to tickle in anticipation of a jolt, a movement to get out of the chair, but nothing moves. Nothing but the wind, whistling past the house, blowing whispers in my ear; They tell me my sins, giving me ideas I don’t want to think. 

       Nothing but the rain dripping down the window in an urgency I don’t understand. 

 

       Get up

       Get up

       Get up

 

       My chest is curving in, a monster of grief, anger and regret eating me from the inside out. But nobody can see it.  ~~ I can I can I can It  ~~ _~~hurts~~. _ I am screaming in pain and yet not making a sound.  ~~ It hurts it hurts oh  _ god this hurts. _ ~~ My blood has been drained and replaced with dark anguish, churning through my veins pushing through my pores like little worms and bugs  ~~ the bugs the bugs why are there so many bug _get them off_ ~~ but nobody can see them nobody can hear them burrowing into my skull and into my heart they have taken control but nobody can see they can’t see 

              they cant see the bugs in my muscles they have turned me to stone they wont let me move I can't move I haven’t moved in three goddamned hours

 

       For the love of god do something

       Move, please move!

       In my head, I am in this room, but not. I am pounding through the not-room, ripping and tearing and crying screaming “Why did you  leave me how could you do this to me” but in the real-room I am still. Not even the tears move. If the rain got on my face it would not move. I am on pause but everything around me is on fast forward. How do I fast forward how do I move?

       I am screaming why

       Why did you do this 

       You knew they were hurting me

       You are my parents you were supposed to keep me safe Why did you make me like this

 

       But I don’t make a sound. Someone comes into my room, and I am finally allowed to move. We talk, but nothing I want to say comes out. I want to say

       “I hate you. Are my friends okay? Are they dead? Why did you bring me here? How could you do this?

       But all that comes out is a conglomerate collage of names, of numbers, of fruit. 

 

       Why can’t I say what I want to? Why can’t I move? Why can’t I feel? Why can’t I control my voice, my thoughts?

       Why        why        why        why        why

       Why        why        why        why        why

       Why        why        why        why        why

               Why        why        why        why

               Why        why        why        why

                       Why       why        why

                             Why        why

                                    why

       Who is dropping the raindrops? So careless, drop drop

 

              Dropped into the bucket. Bucket of blue blue

              Blue eyes falling to brother of  

              Green green green

 

              Are the trees green here? I am looking out the window and all I see is rain rain rain and blue

 

              Blue green eyes like mine and Why wont she move? I want to see the green green green

              But all she does is stare

              all I do is stare

              we stare stare stare stare

              Stare ourselves into a new day

 

              Maybe there will be sun today

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the thought jumps at the end are references to things written in the books. Some of them are almost exact phrases to describe things and others are more ideas.


End file.
